No matter how much you try, one day you will become emotional. This is when you are so grateful for having a mother.
These are the voices in your head.
They fight against each other,
each trying to prove they are right.
How will I survive?
I don’t want to be reliant on anyone.
No! God will help me,
He will look after me.
But, it will eat away you slowly,
The other voice responds.
So? So what? I can handle it, I shout. No no, the voice in my head shouts.
Your white blood cells are no longer your friends,
They’re scarring your nerves, another laughs.
No longer is it a fight for the loudest thought.
Now it is just taunts from all angles.
‘Don’t go down without a fight,’ you were taught.
Eyes tightly closed, hands in your hair, all tangled.
I will write, until my last breath,
My voice screams, somewhere in my mind.
Oh? So you will, but you already are reliant, it mocks.
No I’m not, I respond. No, I’m not, at least not yet. They’re just being kind.
Why are you bringing this up again? I feel the tear drops.
The voices begin to shout once again.
You take medicines one shouts,
You will become a burden!
You’re not fit, you’re not healthy,
The medication will only ease the pain.
‘No!’ No longer a shout in your head. I am not insane.
Trust, patience and belief,
These are the three words that will bring you relief.
© Fatima Begum