I both hated and loved Dr Howard. Today, I’d have to put him in the ‘hate’ category. I felt too weak, and after today’s mind flash, I was not too fond of calling Daniel.
I just couldn’t work it all out. I had created an image of a girl in my mind. I had given her a name. Now, I had just imagined her kissing Daniel and become jealous. What was wrong with me? Dr Howard will think I’m crazy. He probably already does.
I touched my card on the reader and stepped into the bus. It was almost empty, but it was after eight, so understandable, although, why Dr Howard was willing to see me this late was beyond me. Maybe I was his special study. I could be someone who interests him to the extent that he is willing to investigate? Write a report?
I chuckled at my arrogance. I must be one vain individual. This was supposed to be Daniel’s logic.
Feeling slightly calmer, I decided to call Daniel.
One ring, two rings, three and, ‘Daniel speaking,’ Daniel answered.
‘Don’t you ever say ‘hello’?’ I asked, leaning back against the seat.
‘Why would I, if I know it’s you calling me?’ He chuckled.
I could picture his smile. ‘Then why would you tell me that you’re speaking?’
‘I have no answer to that.’
‘Are you free?’
‘No. It’s hectic here. I won’t be able to get off,’ he sounded agitated.
‘I can’t even imagine how busy it must be. Alright then, I’ll leave you to it,’ I said.
‘Wait, what did the doctor say?’ He asked.
And I was jealous of him? ‘We’ll speak about it when you’re home,’ was my response.
‘No. Trust me on this,’ I cut him off.
‘Alright, I’ll see you in a bit.’
I looked out and realised that I was just two stops to my destination. Would have been a twenty minutes walk and tall as I was, I could probably do with within 10. But when seeing a counsellor straight after work, tiredness takes over you.
I assumed that after 3 months, maybe even more, I’d forget about the accident. The frightened eyes kept appearing during the day, and some land that I had concocted, appeared in my dreams. I want to call these dreams ‘nightmares,’ although that was difficult.
I was a coward too. I had yet to go and see the girl awake. I knew she was awake. Her family had come. Charming was a good trait to have, especially when conversing with the nurses. It made it easier for me to see her.
Checking the time, I noticed that Daniel had sent me a text. Not his usual self. ‘You must mean a lot to me, if I’m picking up the phone during working hours!’ Again, I chuckled. He really knew how to raise my mood.
I got off my stop and made my way to my flat. Feeling slightly weary, I punched in the numbers and started climbing the steps. Finally, at my door, I slid my key in and dragged myself through. It was weird how one notices how tired they really are only once they get home. I wanted to collapse, but I had a journal to write. I needed to put down my thoughts.
‘You must write down your thoughts,’ I mimicked Dr Howard. So, the first thing I decided to do was take my journal through today’s mind journey. Slumping on the chair, I leaned on my desk and started writing. My laptop, satchel, and whatever else I had, remained near the door. This is the disadvantage of living alone; you no longer have your mother cleaning after you. If only I could pick her up and settle her here. I would happily sleep on the floor. I guess ‘missing my mother’ should go in the diary.