‘Kray! Wait! Kray!’ Daniel shouted, as he raced towards me.
Halting and turning towards him, I sent him a blank expression.
‘No, Kray, tell me what happened. You absolutely must!’ Daniel was adamant for an answer. His eyes had gotten cloudy, never a good sign.
‘Nothing happened. I saw Lily. Spoke a few words, and then walked out,’ I replied tersely.
Shaking his head, Daniel narrowed his eyes. ‘I heard commotions. Angels are supposed to be calm and gentle, then why is there a large crack on the wall? I’m assuming it’s your fist. Am I right?’ He asked with a raised eyebrow.
‘Believe what you will, but I need to get back,’ I responded.
‘Stop running away. Don’t run away. Kray, she needs you. At least fulfil your role!’ Daniel was clearly rattled by my behaviour, but who could blame him?
‘Seems like you should have been her Guardian Angel, Daniel,’ looking over my shoulder, I stated.
‘Oh don’t talk rubbish,’ he snapped back. ‘The female is usually the protagonist in a story. It seems that it’s the opposite here. It’s as if everything is based around you.’
‘This is no damn story! I need to get away from her!’
‘Why, Kray? Why?’
Life wasn’t nice enough to give me an answer for that question. So I attempted at what I did best: run away. But angels can’t run. Weren’t we created to protect?
‘Daniel, just leave it for now. I’m not up for neither a discussion nor an argument.’
‘O.K, I will stop. I won’t bring up the topic again. But tell me this, do you love her?’
Denial was on my lips. Why no sound came out was beyond me. ‘What is love? It’s just a word with no value,’ was my response. Truly, what is love?
‘No, not true. It has value. But, that depends on the giver,’ he said.
I turned around and opened my arms wide for him, ‘I have nothing to give. Nothing.’
Daniel turned his back and walked away.
Life had a way of preventing happiness or was this only for us Guardian Angels? I accept wholeheartedly that everyone has a purpose in this world. Lily was not created for me. I just could not understand why Daniel couldn’t see it. Someone else would have her. Someone else would love her.
‘Yes, love her,’ I muttered.
I could feel the skin, on my back, begin to prickle. It drove me crazy how I couldn’t prevent them from growing or from fraying away. The itchiness was back and there was no one available to trim it, as Daniel had just walked away. What was the point of leaving remnants behind? To remind me that I was an angel?
I leaned back against the wall and slid to the ground. My thoughts were fighting against each other. If only I could go back into the dream. I needed to come up with a plan because right now, I knew that if I did not sort it out, I would go insane. Part of the contract of love. Hurt, depression, longing, confusion, anger, frustration and jealousy. Can it outweigh the positives of love, or is love strong enough to get me through?
‘No. No, it’s not.’
I ran my hands through my hair and imagined Lily’s fingers pulling my hair. Imagined her smooth my fringe. Imagined her caressing my cheeks with her palms. Would that occur in reality? Would I wake up with her beside me, opening my eyes with a smile and remembering the events of the night before?
I began laughing; I don’t sleep, I’m an angel. ‘Argh,’ I grumbled and stood up. Stretching my arms, I strolled off towards the changing rooms.
Walking into the changing room, I was careful not to make a sound. The last thing I wanted to do was create another scene. I had hid it long enough.
‘So you’re back,’ looking up from the bench, Daniel said.
‘What are you doing here? I thought you were with Lily,’ I felt a pang within me. Just mentioning her name was enough. How long had I been sitting on floor?
‘Well, firstly, I had a feeling that you’d need me. The feathers,’ he waved his hand at my look of confusion. ‘Secondly, it’s not my job to look after Lily. That’s your job. Thirdly. Well I don’t have a thirdly.’
‘Thanks Daniel. About earlier, you didn’t deserve that,’ I looked at my hands.
‘No, I didn’t,’ Daniel responded with a grin. ‘O.K, it’s your back right?’
I nodded and took off my jacket to allow Daniel to have a look.
Carrying his first aid box, he started trimming off the feathers growing out.
The pain was excruciating, but it needed to be done. Daniel stopped several times to allow me to breathe. He’d had gotten used to ignoring my groans and pain, which I appreciated greatly. How many friends would put you through pain, not just watching it, but knowing that they were the cause?
I knew what came next. Gritting my teeth, scrunching my eyes shut tight, I held my breath. The pain shot through my back as if someone had scratched me with a knife. I could feel my body shaking. My body wasn’t created to numb with liquid. We were created to stand against anything even if that meant going through physical pain.
Daniel let out a deep breath, after finishing off with dabbing the usual liquid to stop the bleeding and began bandaging me up.
‘Here, Kray, I’ve bandaged you up. Let’s see how long it’ll last before it starts growing again,’ he said, as he picked up the remains of my feathers. They were covered in blood. ‘Bloody, but still soft. Could you not just wait for it to fray naturally?’
Daniel stood up and walked towards the sink to wash his hands.
‘I can’t control it,’ I replied
‘So, what will you do now?’ He asked, whilst drying his hands.
‘I love her. Simple,’ I looked intensely at my feathers. ‘But I’m not here for that. I’m supposed to look after her. She needs my protection for now.’ I looked up at Daniel, ‘You know, as I do, once she’s better, there would be no need of me for her. I would just be passed on to the next person who needs my aid.’ I had to smile on that.
‘She doesn’t seem like she’ll be all up and running anytime soon, Kray. So you have at least some time left. I don’t understand what’s so different about Lily. You’ve protected many others, before her.’
All I could do was shake my head. ‘I’m trying to work out, myself, why I like her.’
‘I suppose love does this to you, maybe. The consequences of love,’ he shrugged his shoulders.
‘Hmm. I don’t know. So what should I do when she wakes up? I can’t exactly hide from her,’ I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
‘Let’s let her wake up. In fact, maybe you should go now and check on her. Also, if this is not what you want, then you need to make it clear to her,’ with those final words, Daniel walked out.